Dear Mother
Soccer ball
Don’t you just love having a ball at your house when you want it don’t you? well I do. I strongly believe that I should get a soccer ball because i’m desperate and my ball is old.
Firstly I want a nike ball because my old ball is broken, rubbish and daunting to look at. Also get embarrassed when friends come over that not good. Also it is handy to have a ball around the house because you can play outside and not get stuck on technology.
Secondly I want a soccer ball so I can practice at home and get a lot better so I can get a lot of goals on the field. If I don’t get a soccer ball I’ll not be able to carry on with soccer and that will be a disaster please don't let that happen.
Lastly the bad things about the ball is that if I don’t get a new ball I will get stuck with my other bad ball NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!. The good thing about getting a ball are i’ll be getting better at soccer because I will practise and that is Amazing!!!!!!.
Now I hope that you agree with me about my new soccer ball. I will practise and keep playing soccer so please Mum.
Well Done Kieran, My Star is That you did really well on putting them in paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteMy Wish is you did work on your persuasive Language.
Wow Kieran I would love a soccer ball like that. My star is you are really hooking in the reader in to your writing. By Jacob Keating
ReplyDeleteWow Kieran I would love a soccer ball like that. My star is you are really hooking in the reader in to your writing. By Jacob Keating
ReplyDeleteWow keiran. My star is you are really hooking the reading into your writing. By Jacob Keating
ReplyDeleteA good appeal to your mum. I'm not sure the introduction would persuade mum because she may not think she would love a soccer ball in the house. I like the way you have said what type of ball you could get. Kieran your argument needs some support of other information. Maybe research to see if any famous soccer players practiced nonstop with fancy new soccer balls so they could be the players they are today. Using lots of exclamation marks doesn't really persuade a person. Editing before you post - you know others are going to read this so it needs to have correctly formed sentences.
ReplyDeleteI bet you had fun.
ReplyDelete